I come to you all with a heavy heart this evening. Today, at evening feeding, we found Diva down in the Doe barn. She left us sometime today. We are unsure of the time as we both took a rare day off. It is rare for both of us to be away from the barn for more than a few hours.  I was away from the farm today, Joe took some time to relax, before we head into kidding season. We are both sick at heart for not knowing when she went, or if she was scared. 

Death comes to the farmer more often than we like to think. Its waiting at the door during kidding season, waiting for a difficult birth. Waiting for doe or kid. Death is there through each animals life, waiting for illness, or injury, or accident. We hate to think about each one of our charges having a limited time on this earth. We have Time. Time to enjoy them. Time to get frustrated at their antics. Time to agonize over illness and the why's and what-if's. Time to celebrate each new life as it first comes sneezing and wobbling into the world.

But for a farmer life has to keep moving forward, we weep over Diva's loss while we bring in the heavy pregnant does for their evening feed. We agonize over her death while we tend to milking her half sister. We must keep on, there are others to feed. Other illnesses or hurts to tend. Babies coming swiftly on their way that we must prepare for. The life of a farmer is not for the faint of heart. There is always one more chore to tend to while we carry such heavy hearts.

It tears my heart that Diva did not get to see the new years kid crop. I wanted so much for her to have this last joy in life. She loved the kids. 

We have chosen not to do a Necropsy, we know she is G6S affected, We know her body failed her. We wish to bury her in a place of remembrance rather than see her disposed of as medical waste.  

We will bury Her tomorrow, between the new fruit trees on the pasture fence, where she will always be close to her herd, she will be near each years new kids as they run in the field.

Diva was born on a late March day, such a healthy happy kid, with no signs of her disorder. Her first year of life was so happy and normal. I wish you all to remember her as the vibrant hopeful kid we knew her as, before we ever tested of G6S, before we knew the hurt that not testing could cause.

​Diva was one of only a few Doe kids born that year. She was named Diversion because she was such a healthy happy kid she was fun to watch, and made you want to see what she would be as an adult Doe. 

We have learned so much from her short life. We will never forget you Diva.

 

The signs are starting to come more and more that Diva is approaching her end.

In my last post, We noticed that Diva was starting to stand in more of a hunch, in her resting position. Since that time, Joe and I have noticed and discussed that we never see Diva laying down, and she now appears to sleep standing on her feet.  A bit like a Narcoleptic she falls asleep often and wherever she happens to be standing. Her stance asleep is not comfortable looking, and I keep waiting for her to fall over. We do not catch her laying down in the mornings like the other does, snuggled into their straw before being awakened by the morning breakfast crew. (that's us...)  She also urinates frequently, in small bursts. I believe she is loosing control of her bladder. 

In the last few days we have noticed something a bit more dire as far as Diva's ultimate outcome. As she is standing she is starting to "paddle" with her right hind leg. At first you would think she is just trying to scratch, but she just waves her leg around, then sets it down, and starts all over, followed with some muscle tremors in her leg. For a few days we have been watching. Its always the same leg.  I am concerned this is a progressive symptom of neurological failure.  She does have an odd slightly paddling gait when she walks, as she strikes out farther than needed with her forelegs and ambles along at an awkward gait. 

As always when we discuss the slow failing of Diva's body, we have to pull into the discussion why We don't just put her down?

First, and foremost for us, there are no signs of pain. She still appears to be enjoying her life. The first and only sign of panic I have seen is when I accidentally knocked her down today, putting her blanket on her (its damp and chilly out and she is thin). She flailed and cried and popped right back up on her feet before I could help her up. 

Second, she is being documented for the progression of her disorder. While there is nothing scientific or very little, about the way she is being tracked. It is still information for others to read and learn about the experience.

I feel I have been given a gift, a bit of a white elephant, but a gift in the ability to share her life with others that wonder about G6S. In most herds she would either have been culled as "unthrifty" early on. OR culled as soon as her test results were received. In our herd, we have a little room to be indulgent, and feed and care for an animal that produces nothing of monetary value. The other does help pull her weight. 

Diva also still loves to travel with the herd out to pasture and back. She loves the kids each kidding season.  She usually buddies up with one. Kidding season is less than 2 weeks out for us, and I hope she can hold out, and hold up to see the new kids join the herd. She is still mobile, still walks out and still has some joy in her life. The cold and damp of winter are harder on her than they are on the others. We are watching, and discussing the when and what would cause us to make the decision to end her plight. 

​She will be 3 years old on March 29th. 

As we are headed right into the teeth of winter, Diva followers are probably wondering how our girl is doing. Diva is still hanging in there, she has been heat cycling regularly and this last heat cycle left her looking even more awkward for a few days as she had a more pronounced slouch in her hind quarters and a hump to her back that left us quite concerned about her overall welfare. As a few days passed, and she moved out of heat, her posture returned back to her "normal".

She continues to be weaker in her hindquarters, and to lack some coordination between brain signals and actual muscle movements. I noticed her a few days ago slouching more and leaning like a doe would to lay down, but not laying down. When I talked to her and touched her she seemed to wake up and walked away from me, Rude human. Also, when Diva urinates, she does not maintain a steady stream but rather urinates in stops and starts, as if she cannot maintain full bladder control. We have been wondering since fall if Diva will make it through the winter, but she doesn't seem overly phased by weather changes.

Diva continues to recieve supplemental feed with all the bred does. and she is maintaining her weight, though for her that means a lack of overall muscle tone, that leaves her looking thin. She is still roughly the size of a yearling.

It has been a long while since I updated on Diva. I fid it hard to update often as we never have good news for her. She is slowly showing changes for the worse. She continues to walk in a crouch. Her winter coat is growing in very coarse, and she is not gaining weight with the rest of the herd. She will need to have extra feed in the coming months to prepare her for the coming winter. 

Diva has also started loosing her vision, she gets around very well following the herd. The small brass bells many of them wear, I suspect, is helping keep her on track. The only sign of a change in her vision is the cloudiness to her eyes, and the lack of a reaction to a hand brought up to her eyes/ face. The other does will blink when a hand approaches their eye.

Last night Diva's dam moved on to a new home as a milker for lamb milk replacement for bummer lambs. We expected more of reaction from Diva than we have seen today.

The big question i'm sure many readers have, Why have we not put her down? Diva continues to run and play with the younger does, she still shows signs of being comfortable and has shown no signs of being in pain. She eats well, and travels with the herd on every visit to the pasture. We have seen no loos of quality in her life. When she begins to show signs of pain or discomfort we will make a decision.

Diva turned two just a few days ago.  She is still holding strong, but is definitely the saddest looking doe in our herd. 

Out taking pictures and looking at her today, you can sure tell she hasn't grown like she should have. She is so lean and frail looking. She is still eating well, and goes with the herd out to the big pasture (where she is in the pictures in a very overgrazed turn out for the horses). Last years kids are yearlings now, and surpassing her in growth. They have their own kids on the ground now. Diva's cohort, Dixie just kidded yesterday with her second set of kids. Its a stark reminder of what we are losing with Diva, as an affected doe, she can never be a productive member of our herd. This is 2 sets of kids now that, were she normal, we would have had from her as well. We will never know if she was going to be a good milker. 

I did get some pictures of her today as well. You can see her strange gait in the photo below. The kid just in front of her is an 8 week old Boer/Nubian wether.

Diva is pictured below with Zen behind her, Zen is a yearling doe, due in 2 weeks. Behind Zen is Star, also a yearling doe, but open.

Shot of her topline, showing just how narrow she still is. 

Yesterday, with a break in the weather, I had a good opportunity to snap a few pictures of Diva out to graze on our front pasture. In the first photo she is pictured with this years kid crop, all about a month old. The young buck standing directly behind her is quite the hunky boy.

Diva is still doing well, but we have started to notice that her dam is also getting a little weaker in the hind quarters, when she comes to the milk stand she take a little longer than she used to to climb up. Nelly is going to be 7 at the end of this month.

This picture is if Diva mixed into the herd. The gray Doe directly behind her is Misty, a 4 1/2 year old doe. In the foreground is Bella a 4 year old doe. both Bella and Misty are well along in their pregnancies.

Diva continues to be stable, we keep watching for changes and she just keeps on being her normal self.

I have been overdue for a new picture of Diva for some time. she is still hanging in there, still strong and not as underweight as we figured that she would be. she is pictured here with Dixie, her cohort standing behind her.

 As a reminder, she and Dixie are a month apart in age, and Dixie has kidded once and milked for 7 months.

She is still hunched down at the hips a little, and of course still has the blocky head. 

In comparison to her half sister Dahlia (same sire), who is Normal by test, she is growing at about the same rate. We are seeing Caesar's kids (the few out there) are slower to come into the full bodies look that we like to see, they stay gawky and awkward up until at least a year old. Dahlia just passed her first birthday and suddenly started looking like a real doe, although still very much a teenager.

Diva is now one year and nine months and a handful of days old. 

With winter weather just around the corner, I'm happy to say Diva did a nice job of putting on a winter coat this year.  

She still continues on with little sign of any outward changes, she still gets right in there with the big does at feeding time, she is still fairly comparable in size to Dixie, she is a little taller but Dixie is more filled out. 

Throughout the time we have had her there is one thing that we notice about Diva, she has never learned to lead. Through all the coming in and out for extra feed, and being led around more than most of our does, she will still fight you like its the first time. we have often wondered if she is just stubborn (Like her Dam), or if she has a bit of a learning disability. its one thing we may never know for sure. 

Today Diva is 1 year 6 months and 17 days old.

I have been slow to update Diva's blog over the summer as she was cruising along enjoying life in every normal way. She has been happy and healthy all summer, maintaining her weight with out supplemental feed. 

As we are edging our way into the cooler months of fall, We have started to notice some changes in Diva, in the last couple of days she has started walking with her hips tucked up under her in a hunched position. at this point she does not appear to be in any pain, but we do believe we are starting to see signs of neurological miss-fires.  When watching her walk, she sometimes sways, swinging her hing legs farther out than they need to go to keep her tracking straight.  This affected gait is something we have been keeping an eye out for. 

There is likely to be questions about what we will do now. The answer, for now, is simple. Up until the point that she is in pain or is frightened by the changes we intend to let her go on living as normal a life as possible.  She is still very alert and active She has shown no sign of pain or depression, and does not appear frightened by her new clumsiness.   

If Diva were a normal part of our herd, or we had not tested her, we would have bred her to a buck in August, she would now be about 2 months along in her gestation.  

Today's pictures of Diva:

Again I am behind on keeping up with Diva's page. She is still thriving and doing well. She is still lightly built and slender.  Giving all outward appearance of a slow maturing doe.  

Since our last post in June, Diva has had two heat cycles (her first). She is very insistent when we are heat checking the herd with a buck on a lead line that she is ready to breed.  We have chosen to never breed Diva and in the event of an accidental covering (bucks do escape), we will be visiting the vet for a Lutalyse shot. Along with not wanting to create animals that are guaranteed carriers, we also believe the stress of a pregnancy would be too much for her already abnormal system. 

I know, I STILL need to get pictures done.